Tips for driving in Sicily

Here is my list for surviving the challenges of driving in Sicily:

1. Make sure you buy or hire the smallest car possible, but check that you can fit your luggage in first as some of the cars are exceptionally small. Small is good so you can avoid getting trapped in very narrow roads or lanes.

2. Speed limits are optional so feel free to create your own - everybody else just goes at any speed they fancy.

3. Stopping for pedestrians at pedestrian crossings is optional. If you like the look of them or they have just ignored you and started to cross anyway, probably best to stop, but at another time feel free to go barging ahead.

4. Parking is an art form here. Be creative: any space that will fit three quarters of your car is big enough. If you can't quite fit in  - don't worry - just park your car with it's tail hanging out and have faith that all of the other drivers will be happy to go around you.

5. Your other option is to double park and walk away nonchalantly : what the hell!

6. Park on the corners of the streets in any town and don't worry about whether you are blocking access to the street: you don't have to pay for parking if you park outside the blue lines so the corner of the street, where there are never blue lines, is a great spot.

7. When you park and the streets are narrow try to remember to fold in the rear vision mirror on the roadside. Many of the cars here have distinctive scratches and dents on their mirrors. The good news however is that they will spring back into position if hit!

8. On narrow roads where one car has to give way to the other it is a fight of wills -  stand firm, you don't always have to be the one to pull over.

9. It is compulsory that you spend at least half of the time you are driving on a mobile phone at the same time, especially if you are a bus or taxi driver. Extra points go to the drivers who are also doing up their seatbelt or smoking at the same time.

10. You too can play the scratchie parking ticket game. Just when you think you have bought a scatchie ticket and may win a fortune your hopes will be dashed. It is a parking ticket that requires you to scratch out the time and date. Darn!

11. Last, but by no means least, remember 'He who hesitates is lost'. Nothing will be gained by being polite and giving way and waiting for people. The driver behind you will use their horn and shatter your nerves if you are too nice. Just go ahead and barge in without meeting the eyes of the driver you have narrowly missed. The Sicilians will not value your manliness or womanliness if you drive like a wimp. Go for it!!